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The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond, by Patricia Evans
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In this fully expanded and updated third edition of the bestselling classic, you learn why verbal abuse is more widespread than ever, and how you can deal with it. You'll get more of the answers you need to recognize abuse when it happens, respond to abusers safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life.
In two all-new chapters, Evans reveals the Outside Stresses driving the rise in verbal abuse--and shows you how you can mitigate the devastating effects on your relationships. She also outlines the Levels of Abuse that characterize this kind of behavior--from subtle, insidious put-downs that can erode your self-esteem to full-out tantrums of name-calling, screaming, and threatening that can escalate into physical abuse.
Drawing from hundreds of real situations suffered by real people just like you, Evans offers strategies, sample scripts, and action plans designed to help you deal with the abuse--and the abuser.
This timely new edition of The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Expanded Third Edition puts you on the road to recognizing and responding to verbal abuse, one crucial step at a time!
- Sales Rank: #297085 in Books
- Brand: Adams Media
- Published on: 2003-02-01
- Released on: 2003-02-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .63" h x 5.48" w x 8.48" l,
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
Features
Amazon.com Review
Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?
If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.
Review
"A great, great book." -- Sonya Friedman, CNN
"This is a new day in America. The most important thing is to realize that you don't deserve to be treated that way." -- Oprah Winfrey
A ground-breaking book . . . -- Newsweek
About the Author
Patricia Evans, speaker, consultant, and founder of the Evans Interpersonal Communications Institute, conducts workshops and professional training throughout the country.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
In my case I had an very intelligent partner who used the passive voice in all his ...
By DTanbaalu
Verbal abuse, a form of emotional violence, is extremely debilitating. Its hard to see, hard to explain, even hard to trust onesself that is is there. In my case I had an very intelligent partner who used the passive voice in all his verbal abuse making it even more difficult to pinpoint. This book changed my life. It enabled me to see why I felt so bad! From it I developed an understanding of what verbal abuse is and why it is so harmful. I recommend it to anyone wanting a concise explanation of what verbal abuse is. However, as helpful as the information was for me to begin to get free, the techniques suggested in the book did not work as I had hoped. I had to seek further. I found the help I needed to actually get free from Violence Anonymous. (.org) There I gained an even more comprehensive understanding of the roots and nature of emotional violence, and even more importantly learned how to get free.
To whoever is reading this review, dont give up. It is possible to get totally and completely free from the patterns of emotional as well as physical abuse, to know yourself, trust yourself, love yourself and have happy and safe relationships. You can do it.
85 of 95 people found the following review helpful.
In the minority
By D.Smith
I have been married for 14 years and have often struggled greatly with understanding the dynamics of my relationship - why this hollow, detached feeling ? why the almost constant hurt and confusion?
I happened upon this book by accident and found a great deal of the content it contained to spell my marriage out very plainly. However, as a husband and being on the end of some viscious verbal and physical abuse from my wife I found it disturbing and offensive that my gender has been labelled the one's who 'dish it out'. I can agree that as a man I am stronger and able to absorb the physical abuse much better than a woman would, but the hurt and pain that this causes along with the humiliation of the verbal abuse I believe would be comparable to that felt by a woman. A more unbiased approach would help to reach more of us in need of help.
The startegies in this book have helped me understand my wife's reality, albeit with a great deal of grief.
My marriage may well be over because of the stand that I am making towards my wife in that she cannot continue to behave in this manner towards me and in front of my children, but after reading this book I am now more confident in the knowledge that what I am standing against has nothing to do with who I am regardless of how much I am told it is my fault. I am far from perfect but even an imperfect specimen does not deserve to be treated in this way.
I found this a good starting point in getting my being back into order.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Not just for women
By AstroGuy
UPDATE
I mention in my review how I feel this book is gender biased. I did not understand that at the time this book was written, domestic abuse towards men was unheard of. In this context, I can now understand the reason for any gender biased. It no longer bothers me. I can overlook the bias the same way how politically incorrect themes in classic cartoons or works of fiction have to be overlooked. For example, the Tom and Jerry show used to have a character that portrayed ethnic stereotypes. If this were released today, I would not be happy about it. But considering the time period, I can overlook it. Patricia Evans seems to gradually understanding that domestic abuse can happen to men. As a man, I highly recommend to not hold the gender bias against Patricia Evans, since this could be your loss if you do. I am now changing the rating to a five star rating.
END OF UPDATE
Towards the end of last year, I suspected something was wrong with my relationship with my girlfriend when she started yelling at me, cussing me out and putting me down everyday. I felt like everything was always my fault because she would not be acting like this had I not been doing something wrong. Shortly after we broke up, I came across this book and decided to order it. In the beginning of this book, it is acknowledged that there are some women who abuse men, however after that it only tells about women who are being verbally abused by men. If you can switch around certain words in your mind such as "he" and "she", this book very accurately describes how my ex-girlfriend treated me and the different types of emotions I went through. I remember how sometimes she would constantly interrupt me and not allow me to talk exactly as how this book described. I remember how she would be get angry at me over very small things. I could not figure out why she was so angry with me; another common scenario described in this book. I left her the day the verbal abuse escalated into physical abuse when she "accidentally" busted my lip open. It is common for verbal abuse to escalate into physical abuse which usually starts out as "accidental."
Although it is difficult not to feel this book is very biased, this book really helped me out a lot. This book made me realize I did not deserve to be yelled at, cussed out, put down, named called, and assaulted. These actions are never acceptable in a relationship. This book made me realize that I am not responsible for all those times she went into a rage which included throwing stuff around and breaking things. I realize that I am not responsible for her actions. She is an obvious anger addict which is something you will read about in this book. I am now gradually regaining my self esteem that was crushed by her.
The feeling of the book being biased is the reason why I could not give this book a five star rating. With how much this book helped me out is the the reason why I could not give this book a bad rating either. Even though this book is more aimed towards women, men can benefit from this book as well. If you have the slightest suspicion there is verbal abuse in your relationship, you must read this book regardless if you are a woman or a man. I completely disagree with the author about how verbal abuse from women is different than verbal abuse from men because I can tell you from experience, it is not different at all.
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